my dearest mama (:

mama sorry i wasn't there at the last minutes of your life. I should have stayed. I should not have been so complacent.. Thinking you're really fine even when the doctor said your condition was critical. I felt damn stupid i shouldn't have went to sleep i really shouldn't have.

why did you go so early? who's gonna go sydney with us? who's gonna be the one i can laugh at because you liked to buy towels everytime you go out. who's gonna talk and fart at the same time yet pretend nth happened? i really miss you alot i really do. i really regret working on every sunday and i couldn't go to your house to visit you. why did i work on your birthday? why didn't i give you the ring i bought for you personally? why didn't i learn my canto properly? i never had a chance to speak to you in canto and i really regret a fucking lot now. why did you just go like this? why didn't you wait for us why didn't you.. why didn't i treasure you why am i behaving like this when all's too late?

i remember laughing at you because you always said you're tired yet when you went shopping you became so energetic. you always said "kakei hou bun lai.." you're the only one who always praised me like that. i was really happy that you went perth with us (: Went to king's park and everyone called you Queen elizabeth. It was really the best memories i ever had.

I will learn my canto properly i will excel in my studies i will be hou bun lai i will take care of myself and my family because i know that will be what you want whether or not you're still here with me..
i really hope you'll take care of yourself over there, tgt with yeye (:
love you, alot.
ka kei

the small fish eventually couldn't live without water.
but i know you did your best.